Believing in yourself almost as much as you doubt

In a previous blog I talked about how I believed God had given me a vision for the future... a vision of the way he wanted to move in a particular situation. But I knew it was going to be a long process, and take a lot of time and effort making sure first of all that I was right, and secondly that other people, people who would be profoundly effected by this vision, would be willing and able to "come along for the ride" - that they too would recognise that this really was something from God, not the over enthusiastic desire of my heart. 


Well, things are moving forward, slowly but surely, and more and more things are coming together, convincing me that my original understanding was correct, with more and more people catching the vision and beginning to be excited by this thing. But, there's still a long way to go - and during this time, I'll admit that I've struggled, wondering if I really was right in my conviction - and not really daring to believe that actually, this could happen! Don't get me wrong, I wasn't doubting God.... I was doubting myself, doubting that I'd really heard the right thing, and perhaps not really wanting to believe, in case I was let down. 


In this waiting, I've been reminded of the story of Simeon. Simeon was an old man, who had received a promise, a promise from God, that he would not die until he saw the coming of the Lord's Messiah - a much bigger and even more exciting promise that the one I am waiting for. And, whilst its difficult to know for sure, the impression I get is that Simeon had been waiting a long time, much longer than a few months.... 


In that time, I'd like to think that he too had his doubts, but maybe that's just my wishful thinking. But doubts or no doubts, Simeon hold onto that promise, to the point that, when prompted by the spirit on that long awaited day, he went to the temple, there to see the baby Jesus.


And then, when he saw the child, he recognised him! Despite the fact that the Jews of the day where expected their Messiah to be a military leader, come to overthrow the Romans, and free the Jewish people from their oppression... yet here was a helpless, innocent baby... But Simeon was not disappointed, no, instead he opened up in praise and worship of God, and was given a new prophecy, not for himself but for the parents of the   child. Things didn't necessarily come about the way he expected, but Simeon was enough of a Man of God to recognise the way He was moving... wow!


So, now, with things moving slowly but surely, I need to follow the example of Simeon, and hold faithfully to the promise I have had from God... and trust him to work things out, and to keep his promises, even if its not in the way I expect!   

Talk Like This and Act Like That

I, like most of the rest of the UK it seems, have been enthralled by the recent series of Sherlock - Steven Moffat & Mark Gattis's modern day rewrite of the Sherlock Holmes stories. The series, with its innovative camera work, and its digital editing to portray what goes through the mind of the genius detective has been, in my opinion, a real high point for British television recently! 

The thing that I really like is the way Sherlock analyses the tiniest of details, and uses those to piece together a detailed and accurate understanding of the individuals' background, circumstances and state of mind, which he then uses in a number of ways, usually to the complete bafflement of the individual he is talking to, and certainly to the bemusement of poor old Dr. Watson.

Everytime they do it, I'm left thinking how clever... but the reason its so clever is that actually, its what we all do, all the time. We may not be Sherlock, able to read a persons life history from the scuff marks on his shoes, but the picture, the understanding we build of a person comes not so much from the things they say, but from the little details we see in their everyday lives. 

So, I'm left wondering, what would Sherlock, or indeed anyone else who took the time to study me see if they looked at the details of my life. Would they see someone trying his best to live out a Christian life, to be humble, obedient, self-sacrificing and godly, or would they see malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander. Would Sherlock, or more importantly, Almighty God, look at me and see someone who talks one way and acts another.

Unfortunately, because I am only human, then more often he would. And even when I get it right, its because of him, because of his free gift of grace, not because of anything I've actually done. So, until the time when He returns and takes away my imperfections, I need to keep trying, and I need to remember that its not the grand statements and the things I say that matter, so much as what I do, in each and every little thing. 

The old saying is that "the devil is in the detail" - but really, if I am going to live the Christian life I would so dearly love to live, I need God to be in the details of my life, the small, everyday things, and then, just maybe, I might start to live up to what He wants for me.    

Grace Makes Beauty Out of Ugly Things

We spend a lot of time looking back. Looking back fondly perhaps, with nostalgia and longing for the things of the past. Or looking back with regrets, wishing we'd done things differently. Sometimes, one of the hardest things about Grace, about the fact that God looks at our lives and forgives the things we do wrong, is that fact that we have to forgive ourselves as well - because if he no longer holds our past against, then why should we (or indeed anyone else, but thats another blog entirely)?

In fact, the amazing thing about Grace is not that it allows our past to be forgotten - its that it allows our past, complete with all its mistakes and disobedience to be changed and transformed into something beautiful. For example, David, the man after God's own heart, made a pretty heinous mistake, commiting adultery and having Uriah killed so he could marry Bathsheba. But he repented, and through the Grace of God, his descendant, through his son Soloman, born by Bathsheba, was Jesus, the Messiah!

Of course, this doesn't mean that God requires us to disobey him to bring about his purposes.... as Paul says, Grace is never an excuse for doing wrong, and there is no part of Him that wants us to do anything other than follow His commands. But the amazing beauty of Grace, and the amazing power and wonder of our God is that he can work all things together for the good of his people.

So, whilst it is right to look back and reflect, it is important also to accept the workings of Grace, and to marvel at the way God works, and not to beat ourselves up over things that have gone.

(And for once, the title I've used is completely and utterly used in the same context as it was meant in the song Grace (from All that You Can't Leave Behind by U2)!)

You Give Yourself Away....

I was talking about human rights the other day, and how our Christian understanding of Human rights is rooted in an understanding of relationships and community. The problem is, our western culture is obsessed with individualism. We live out our lives, in our isolated nuclear families, looking out for ourselves, standing up for our own rights and generally looking out for number one.

It comes out in so many ways. We see it in our blame culture -- lets make sure that, whatever happens, no-one can blame me for it. we make political decisions based on what is going to be best for me, not on what is best for the country.

Then we find ourselves incapable of trusting anyone except ourselves - our political leaders, our church leaders, our management, our employees - everything they do is open for us to questions, challenge, debate, change, because we know best, and we have a right to express our opinions.

The culture of individualism has gone so far that we now even deny the existence for absolute truth - we each hold on to our own "truths" - I'm glad thats true for you, but don't you dare let your truth impinge on mine.... in fact, pretty much the worst thing we can do in our individualistic culture is question someone else's "truth"... I honestly think we have lost the plot over this one.

But there is another way, a way that recognises and respects people's human rights, but doesn't require total individualism and isolation. The way of the cross, the way of Jesus. The sacrificial self-giving way - freely and generously giving up our own desires, our own rights, our whole selves in order that those around may have life, life in all its fullness. The way of life that washes feet, that brings healing and peace, that ultimately is prepared to give everything for others.

Its not something I'm very good at, I admit. I'm a child of my culture, and its a struggle to get out of it. But I do believe its not just the way we are called to live, but its actually the only way we can live in harmony with one and other. I just pray that, through the power of the Holy Spirit in my life, I will actually get better at it! 

May Your Dreams Be Realised...

Note: This blog was started yesterday but completion and posting was delayed due to an unexpected trip to A&E and a rather busy day!

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Today (16th Jan) is Martin Luther King Jr. day in the USA. it is my job to know this, because part of my working life involves forecasting cash flow, and as our main bank is based in the US, our ability to make payments is heavily influenced by American Public Holidays.

My understanding, from friends and colleagues with connections in the US, is that this public holiday is probably the most contraversial of public holidays, and that across large swathes of the South people are relecutant to observe this day, in honour as it is of one of the greatest champions of Human Rights ever to be found in the United States. It is somewhat to my shame that many of those who have issues with this holiday would label themselves Evangelical Christians - a label I also would use (if I had to use any) to describe myself. And that got me thinking about Human Rights in general, and the biblical basis behind them.

My basic view on human rights comes from the fact (as far as I believe it) that Human Beings are created "in the image of God" - and that is true for all human beings, regardless of their race, their beliefs, their culture or any other feature. As such, each and every human being is created and loved by God, and is special to him.

And if everyone is created as an equal child of God, then it is absolutely right and proper that we accord to each and every person the same basic rights. The difference between a Christian view on Human Rights and a secular view however is in the source of those "rights", because actually, the Christian view would be these rights are not inherent, but are a consequence and outworking of the gift of life that comes from God. Is there a practical difference resulting from this understanding...? Certainly it doesn't give ground for rejecting Human Rights in their totality, or for example, refusing to respect MLK day in the US.

If there is a difference, it comes in the communal nature of our rights. Because our Christian understanding is that God created us to be in relationships, in a community with each other and in a relationship with him, then our human rights bring with them human responsibilities - to respect those rights in others and in the community as a whole - and the communal nature of those rights is probably the biggest difference with the secular view on human rights... but thats probably a whole different blog subject!

Now, before anyone challenges me, I know that historically the Christian Church has not been a great respector of Human Rights. But I fundamentally believe that this is due to fallible human error, to a misunderstanding of the teachings of Jesus Christ, not because of those teachings. I would challenge anyone concerned by that to examine those teachings directly for themselves and see if they agree.

In the meantime, Happy Martin Luther King Jr Day to you all!

 

The Right to Be Ridiculous...

Sometimes, I think life would be easier to understand if God acted the way we think he should. The Greco-Roman gods, for example, acted in the way we expect gods to act. They may have been powerful, divine beings, but their actions, their emotions, their motivations are so human that actually, they are easy to understand... perhaps not surprisingly given that they were the invention of human mythology!

But our God, the real, living God, doesn't act like us. His ways are higher and his thoughts are different to ours, and, although he has made us in his image and given us the ability to think and reason and to try and understand him, we have to accept that sometimes we just aren't easily going to be able to... which is why some of the things he does seem pretty ridiculous to us.

I'm mean, surely the idea that the God who brought the whole enormity of creation into being, just by commanding it, would speak to his servant in a still small voice is ridiculous.

Surely, the idea that the All-Powerful God, who knows every moment of time and space, would come to earth and be born as a vulnerable, innocent baby is in itself ridiculous, even setting aside the circumstances and place of his birth.

Why would the King, the Ruler of All Things, chose to live his life as a homeless, wandering preacher in a poorly regarded part of occupied Israel - isn't that almost ridiculous as the perfect, sinless Son of Man dying the horrific death of a condemned criminal?

Or most ridiculous of all, the idea that this perfect, powerful, awesome God, who is so far above us that we can't comprehend him properly should love us so much that he prepared to do all these ridiculous things (and many many more) just so that we can have a relationship with him. If that is the result of God's ridiculousness, then its much better than any example of man's rational thinking, so maybe I should trust him more, and be a bit more ridiculous myself! 

I Go There With You

Yesterday I wrote about how God is not a safe, tame God, but how he is always good. Since then, I've been thinking more about this, and the implications on us.

As Christians, we are called to follow where God leads, to go to the places where he would go, to speak to the people he wants to speak to, to spread his Good News, to baptise and to make disciples of all peoples. The exact out-working of that is going to be different for all of us, because we each have different skills, abilities and understandings, but the call is there for us all. Now for me, this is a clear example of God not calling us to a place of safety, to a life of ease, or to a cozy inward looking Christian huddle.

The thing is, getting out there, spreading the Gospel, is always going to be dangerous to us in someway. The degree and type of danger varies depending on where we are led to be, but its always there. There are some obvious examples - for instance those called to mission work in countries hostile to the gospel - in China, in Iran and other parts of the Middle East for example. People called to mission there live with the ever present reality of physical danger, of threats to the liberty or even their life if they overstep the mark set by the authorities, and yet God calls and they follow...

Others are called to put their life and health at risk, and also to risk their emotional well-being, by showing God's love for each and every individual, caring for those with life threatening or terminal conditions - working with AIDs patients, working in Malaria clinics etc. and I really don't envy them - the threat to their health is bad enough, but the emotional turmoil of working in such an environment is something I don't think I could face.

But what about those of us called to live a more "normal" life (at least as our culture and society sees it)? After all, I would say that my calling (at present at least) is two-fold - to be a Christian influence in the world of work and to serve my local church to enable God's work there.

I'm pleased to say that neither of these directly threatens my life, my health or my liberty (although I admit to feeling fairly vulnerable sat in the mile and a quarter queue trying to leave the motorway this morning). But the dangers I face are more subtle... the dangers of complacency, and with it the belief that it is me that is achieving things, that is moving on, that is making a difference, and the danger of complicity - that of falling into the trap of being too much "of the world", rather than being in the world but not of it. I find living a "normal life" and still trying to do God's will is like trying to walk a tightrope... and it certainly isn't a comfortable and easy place to be.

It almost seems negative to view things this way, but the truth of the matter is that even though God calls us out, and expects us to stand in dangerous places, he doesn't call us to do it alone. He promises that he will go with us, and that he will never ask us to face a situation without giving us the resources to cope with it. And in doing so, he gives us the opportunity and privilege of sharing in his great works - the chance to be a small part of something that will change the world. And that makes it pretty exciting!

Gloria in te domine

“Is he a man?” asked Lucy.

“Aslan a man!” said Mr Beaver sternly. Certainly not. I tell you he is King of the wood and the son of the great emperor-beyond- the-sea. Don’t you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion – the Lion, the great lion.”

“ooh!” said Susan, “I’d thought he was a man. Is he – quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”

“That you will, dearie, and no mistake” said Mrs Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”

“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

(The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis)

TLTW&TW is a book I love, and in a book I love, this passage has to be one of my absolute favourite passages. It says so much about the character of God, in such a short passage... 

i find this view of God, not exactly safe, but completely, totally, unimaginably good, to be really useful, particularly immediately after Christmas. Christmas is about the wonder, the mystery, the marvel of God appearing as a vulnerable human baby. But the danger of that view is that we lose sight of the majesty and power of the Almighty God - we limit him to the baby, or to the wandering preacher, and forget that he is King. 

The other thing it does for me is to remind me that doing his will is not about the comfortable and cozy, its not about doing the things that keep us safe, its not about maintaining the status quo. Following him is edgy, even dangerous - alhough we may not immediately recognise the danger.

Through it all though, we can be certain that his purposes are good, because God is incapable of being anything other than Good. We may not understand at the time, we may never understand (at least not while we are here) but we can trust him and his purposes always.

I Give You Back My Voice

I came across the kind of time-wasting webpage that appeals to the techie-geek in me earlier. Its called Wordle.... and it takes a text feed (for example a blog, like this one) and makes a word cloud from it... a pictoral representation ranking the most commonly used words by scaling the words according to their prominence in the blog... so basically, the more often a word is used, the larger it appears. So, mainly because I could, I thought I'd run it for this blog. The output looks like this (or at least it did when I ran it, it should change over time - the live version can be found here):-

I probably shouldn't have been, but I was surprised, and pleased by the prominence of the word "God", because one of the things I hoped this blog would do was give me a place where I could be more open about my faith, a place where I could start to talk openly about what I believe.

But in a way, its easy in a blog... because I can hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen. I wonder what a "word cloud" of my everyday life would look like. Would God be as prominent as he should be, or would he be crowded out by the mundane? And if not, that what do I need to do to ensure I am truly living a God-centred life?

Questions to reflect and pray on I feel - but in the mean time, I have added a gadget to this page which will link to the live version of this word cloud, so I have a tool to make sure this blog at least stays focussed on Him.

Wake Up, Wake Up Dead Man

However strong our faith, however much we try to trust and depend on God, there are times I'm sure when all of us want to shout at God, to rant at him, to ask him "Why God?" or "Where are you now?". Usually these times come when we, or someone we know is going through what we can only see as unfair or unnecessary pain and suffering.

The question of suffering is huge, and the question "Why does God allow suffering?" is one that many minds, better trained, more experienced and more theologically grounded than I have tried to answer, but still, at the end of the day, I don't think I've ever read or heard a totally satisfactory answer, one that doesn't leave me saying "Yes, I agree with all that, but what about this....". And, in my experience, the times when we are struggling the most with questions like this are the ones when the answers, however good they are theologically, however clear, however understandable, are not the answers we need, because really, these are times when all we can do is to cry out those "Why?" questions to God.

Its not a new phenomena. Several of the Psalms include passages of crying out and asking these difficult questions (it was reading Psalm 44, and thinking about that in connection with some things that are happening back at my parents' church that prompted this line of thought and this blog). And if it was okay for David, the king who God Himself described as "a man after My own heart", then actually, its okay for us.

God is big enough to take it when we get angry and upset with him. He's big enough to let us have our rant, to shout and stomp our feet and demand answers. Because actually, in dying on the cross, God himself, in the person of his son Jesus, experienced every kind of suffering - he understands the feelings of pain, abandonment and loss. He prayed his own lament "My God, Why have you abandoned me?" on the cross, and he will be there with us through our own times of pain, even if we don't feel it.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor, martyred for his faith just 23 days before the surrender, of Nazi Germany wrote "Now we know there is no longer any suffering on earth in which Christ will not be with us and praying with us -- Christ the only helper". My prayer, for myself, and for those I know who are in pain at the moment is that we will not just know this truth in our heads, but feel it in our hearts. 

I Will Sing, Sing A New Song

I waited patiently for the LORD; 
   he turned to me and heard my cry. 
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 
   out of the mud and mire; 
he set my feet on a rock 
   and gave me a firm place to stand. 
He put a new song in my mouth, 
   a hymn of praise to our God. 
Many will see and fear the LORD 
   and put their trust in him.

Christmas this year has been a real blessing for me. Despite the busy-ness, I have honestly managed this Christmas to stop and reflect on the miracle of the incarnation, to wonder at the mystery of the almighty God in the body of a vulnerable, innocent baby and to look ahead to the ultimate destination of that Child, the cross. Wow!

Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; 
   may your love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; 
   my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. 
They are more than the hairs of my head, 
   and my heart fails within me. 

And yet, in just two days, I can feel myself slipping, I can feel the pressure and grind of everyday life growing around me once again and I can see myself forgetting that wonder and mystery again. How easy it is to forget the amazing things God has done for us, in such a short time.

But as for me, I am poor and needy; 
   may the Lord think of me. 
You are my help and my deliverer; 
   you are my God, do not delay.

Thankfully, even though I'm pretty useless at remembering, God doesn't leave me alone. He is my strength, my helper, my deliverer, he won't forget me, and he will keep on giving me a new song to sing!


(Bible verses from Psalm 40, NIV version)

In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

I have something of a dilemma at the moment. Its a good dilemma to have however, but its causing me to think (always a dangerous thing!)... The dilemma comes about from the fact that, through a series of events, discussions, conversations and meetings, and after a significant amount of prayer, I, along with a few other people, believe we have caught a small glimpse of God's plan for the future - a dream of His future, or perhaps a vision. 

This is not the place to reveal to the details of this future - but this vision is, as you might expect of any such vision, a little bit edgy, possibly slightly risky, and definitely controversial. Its also dynamic, exciting, positive and forward-looking... and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that it is the will of God.

So far, there is no dilemma. The difficulty comes with what to do about it. Should I, accepting that this is God's will, that he is all-powerful and that he can do all things, decide that my part is therefore to pray and commit this to Him, trusting that by his Will it will come about, despite the controversy and difficulty that it may run in to.

And yet, assuming all of us who believe this is God's will take the same path, then how will this come to pass. Short of God's miraculous intervention, which I admit may happen, but isn't likely to if it would involve the over-riding of our free will, then surely nothing will change. So should I be acting on this vision, taking every opportunity to make sure it comes about? But then, am I not guilty of assuming that God needs me to make this happen, and does that not bring into question his power and authority?

This then is the dilemma... and its one that I think wiser heads than I have faced over many years. At first glance the solution appears to be in the statement
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”

which is variously (and probably incorrectly) attributed to St. Augustine of Hippo, St. Ignatius and Francis Cardinal Spellman... and yet, in fact doesn't that actually assume both the unsatisfactory implications associated with the two options... and that we can overcome those shortcomings either through prayer or through hard-work on our part - it doesn't actually offer a satisfactory answer.

Having said that I think the actual practical result of this statement - faithfully and trustingly taking it to God in prayer and praying honestly and genuinely "Your Will be done", whilst actively persuing any opportunity that presents itself to make sure that happens is probably the right one. Perhaps the better way to look at it is that God has revealed this direction to us because he wants us to be an active part of this process and therefore we should be fully engaged in it, but at the same time, I need to remember that it is his plan and He is in control -- and I should therefore be praying without ceasing that - after all, if He was relying on flawed, fallen, human me to get it done, then lots of prayer would definately be in order!!

Nothing Changes on New Year's Day...

I've never been big on New Year's Resolutions. To the best of my knowledge, the only New Year Resolution I've made that I've actually stuck to was a few years ago, when I resolved not to make any more New Year Resolutions...

Lets be clear, I don't have any objection to the principle, so for those people who find they work and are positive and helpful, that's great! But for me, the thing with New Year Resolutions is that by the middle of January I'm struggling to keep to them, by the end of January, I'm already feeling guilty about the times I've failed to keep them, and that by the middle of February they've almost completely fallen by the wayside, probably not to be thought about again until next January!   

Generally I find it difficult to see why, just because its the 1st January, I should suddenly decide to make a load of changes in my life. It is, after all, just another day in the calendar. As far as I'm concerned, if something about my life is important enough to change, then the date should be irrelevant, and I should I just get on and change it, or in reality, ask God to help me change it, as its only through the work of the Holy Spirit that I can really be changed completely. And to be honest, that's a process that needs to happen far more often than once a year. In fact, its more properly a process that should happen everyday (although I'm not great at that either!).


Of course, because I'm only human, most of the time I'm asking for help with the same things over and over again, but at least, if I accept that its going to be a daily process, that I'm not always going to get it right, and that sometimes (most times!) I'll fail and have to start again, I won't get too disheartened, and, at least I won't have to wait for another Jan 1 to start over afresh! 


So, I wish you all a very Happy New Year, and hope and pray that 2012 is everything you want it to be - whether thats with New Year Resolutions or not!