One Life, With Each Other...

Tonight is Budget night - the night when I get to stand in front of the church meeting and present the financial plans for the next year, and ask for their support and agreement. And, although I regularly present financial information to directors and to senior management in my workplace, presenting to church meeting is probably the most difficult of all...

Its not made any easier by the fact that this is actually Budget night mk. 2 -- given a small mix up with dates for the November meeting and a church holiday, meaning there weren't enough members there in November to actually agree the budget. So, although I presented (I had to really, given that of those who were there, a good number had turned out specifically because they were interested in the finances), although we had a good discussion, we have to do it all over again tonight.

Preparing and presenting a church budget is a different sort of challenge to my day job. Yes, I have to use all my financial acumen, all my accountancy training and the best of my Excel spreadsheet-engineering skills in the process, but more than that, I have to approach these things from a different perspective - from a God perspective, and approach them in an attitude of faith, of trust and of believing in a God who provides abundantly and generously, but who also expects us, his servants, to be good stewards of that which he provides.

And so, along with the number crunching, a great deal of prayer and reflection goes into my budget preparations... a great deal of time spent asking Father God what he wants, and trying very hard to hear him above the thoughts of the finance professional that come from within me.

As I've thought and prayed through this budget, the one thing that has hit home to me has been how much this aspect, as with all aspects of our church life, rely on us being a community, a diverse gathering of people, with different skills, different experience, different interests and resources, but gathered by our shared desire to serve our Lord and Saviour. 

Everything that happens at Queens' Road, as with most churches happens because people give. They give of their money, yes, but even more so they give of their time, and they give themselves in prayer for the things we do.  Even putting on two services on a Sunday, which has a monetary cost in terms of heat, light and power, and in terms of time from our (under)paid ministry team, has an even greater cost in terms of volunteer time and effort - on a very quick estimate I worked out that well over 100 person hours are required each and every Sunday, "just" to run two Sunday services - and that doesn't include the amount of time people spend praying for the service. 

And the skill set involved is diverse as well -- we have skilled musicians to provide the music, skilled sound engineers and trained video desk operators to run the technology which adds so much when it works, and causes so many problems when it doesn't! We need welcomers and stewards, to make people feel at home and comfortable, we need people willing to serve tea and coffee, people to lead prayers, and a whole army of people to run the children's programme. And God provides those diverse people so that it all happens.

The same is true, I believe, for the budget. Even in these challenging economic times, I believe God will provide for his work here at Queens Road. One of the frustrations with preparing a church budget is that I can't tell how He will provide - He may do so miraculously, with money just appearing in envelopes or in the bank account... but somehow, though I believe He could do that, I don't think He will.

I actually believe He had already provided - that He has brought people into our community and He has given them the resources, financial and otherwise to provide all the things we need to do His work here... and if we, His gathered people, obediently and faithfully give of our money, of our skills and importantly, on our knees in prayer, then I believe we will have more than enough for our current plans - and the opportunity to do so much more for Him.

A Light-bulb Hanging Over My Head

I've always really liked the Advent Candles, and the liturgy that goes with them.... which is odd, because I'm not really one for liturgy. It does have its place, and there are times when liturgy helps me - but generally I prefer not to be reciting pre-written prayers, or responding in a pre-scripted manner to someone else's pre-scripted statements.

But for some reason, lighting candles at advent, complete with the recitation of liturgy, is something that speaks to me.

I was at the evening service last night, and for once, I was there with nothing to do - no rota'd task, no operation of the video desk, just me, part of the congregation, seeking to worship and to hear from the Almighty God.

And, although KP preached an engaging and different sermon, although the worship band led us in muscial worship with gusto and enthusiasm, the thing that God used most of all to touch me, to speak into my heart, was the burning advent candles.

As I watched the flame (whilst listening to Keith of course!) I was reminded of being at a Delirious? concert, several years ago (probably back in the late 1990's - wow, I really am getting old!) a concert which ended (as most Delirious? concerts back then did) with Martin Smith, stood on a darkened stage, lighting a single candle, singing the words

"There is a light, which shines in the Darkness,

His Name is Jesus, the Light of the World"

The image of light in the darkness persisted all evening, through KPs sermon (I was listening, honest) and the discussion that followed, and even into the car on the way home, when U2's Ultraviolet came on, with the lines

"Your love was a lightbulb

Hanging over my head"

 

The image, of a single light, shining in the darkness seems very powerful to me today - in a world where things are hard, where there is much that is dark and many who are struggling, the message this Christmas, just as it was at that first Christmas 2,000 years ago is one of Hope - a light shining in the darkness (whether a candle, a lightbulb or any other source of light), which can never be extinguished, no matter how dark it actually gets - in fact, the darker things are, the brighter the light appears.

So, as I get ready for Christmas this year my prayer is not just that I can remember that message of hope in the darkness, but that my life will be an example which reflects that light to others -- that in me, the hope and glory of my saviour will be seen by others...

Running To Stand Still

Wow... Its nearly December. Which means I've been writing this blog, on and off, for almost a year now. It doesn't seem like that long... but then again, it seems like an eternity, because my feet haven't really touched the ground in that time.  If I had to come up with a picture of this year, I think it would be of me on one of those horizontal escalators, trying to go against the tide, running as hard as I can, just to stand still!

If that sounds like I'm complaining, then I'm sorry. Most of the chaos and hard work has been completely worthwhile - caused by building work, by trips away and time with family, by challenging new jobs and by exciting changes at church. Other stuff has been for a worthwhile result, particularly around Sarah's operation - not exactly run, definately chaotic, but definately worth while so she can avoid recurring pain and discomfort. I'm certainly not complaining about the outcomes, even at the time it was somewhat painful to get there.

But what I am going to complain about is the headlong rush we now seem to be in towards Christmas. Yes, the year has gone by quickly, but at the moment, its not even December (not for another 14 hours anyway). Advent doesn't start until Sunday (or is that Saturday night - no doubt Keith Neville will have the answer), and yet, we've been inundated with Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, since about the end of September, and its driving me slightly mad...

Do we really need Christmas decorations already? Christmas songs on the radio? Christmas meals in the canteen? Christmas is, of course, important - its important to spend time with those we love, to enjoy the giving and receiving of gifts, to have fun with all the trappings of Christmas that make it so exciting... but isn't it even more important to remember what this is really all about - about the coming of a child, a poor, helpless child, who will go on to change the world.  

The challenge for me, at the end of a year of Running To Stand Still, and at the start of a season of manic activity is to stop and take the time out to prepare - for that is surely the purpose of Advent - to prepare for the coming of the King, both his coming as a child, born in a cave two thousand (and something) years ago, and his future coming in glory, when all the running will cease as we stop and worship the King of Kings... The question is how do I stop now and give him what he so richly deserves?

The More I See, The Less I Know...

Its been a while since I've had time to write a blog.... A church budget, and a new job have somewhat occupied me for the last for weeks, and blogging has dropped down the priority list a little...

The new job is interesting - very different to what I was doing before, even though I'm still working for Jaguar Land Rover, in Finance, I might as well be working for a different company. The people are different (in this new job I've had meetings with the UK, Russia, Australia, the Gulf, the US and Canada, Spain, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands, Brazil and Mexico and China, all in the last two weeks, all without leaving Coventry!) The language is different, with a new set of terminology and acronyms to learn (and re-learn -- some of the TLA's I've been using for the last 3 years now have a completely different meaning!). And, for an accountant who has spent the last 10 years looking at costs (and therefore looking at numbers in brackets all the time), to now be looking at revenue and pricing, and therefore not using brackets for everything is extremely odd!

The problem is, I'm still only scraping the surface of the job - having been here for a month of so now, I was starting to think I was getting to grips with it, and then I looked back at one of the emails I'd received a couple of weeks ago and "parked" to deal with after my virtual globetrotting finished.

When I'd first looked at it, I thought I knew what I had to do with it. But now, with two weeks more knowledge and experience, suddenly I can see so many more questions. Things that I thought were clear are now clouded, as I start to glimpse more of the inter-connectedness of the issues... what happens if I change this - how does it effect that? What about this - does it make a mess of that? If this goes here, where does this other go? Its enough to make me pull my hair out (at least I still have some at the moment, despite the prominence of the receding hairline gene in my family...)

And in the midst of it all, we had a homegroup. Ostensibly focussed on the last line of the Lord's prayer, we actually ended up talking widely around the issue of God's Kingdom, Power and Glory... and it reminded me, once more, that actually, issues of God, issues of faith are something that I'm never really going to fully get my mind around, however logically and rationally I try to approach it...

Just like with my new job experience, where gaining a bit more knowledge showed me just how much more there is to understand, so it is, in an even larger and even more inexplicable way with God!

After all, we're talking about a God who can make, from nothing, an entire universe. I can't even get my head around how big the universe is, yet alone think about what it means to actually create it! And not only create, but populate with life in all its complexity, from single cell micro-organisms, through to something as large as an elephant, as odd as an octopus, and as complex as a human being... and thats just for starters!

It takes me back to why I started this blog, almost a year ago - and why its called "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" - because actually, although I'm never going to be able to fully understand it, I'm also never planning on stopping trying... but also I hope and pray I never lose the sense of wonder, joy and mystery that comes from trying to consider the indescribable majesty of God.

We Get to Carry Each Other

Our homegroup series at the moment is studying the Lord's Prayer, and we're doing it in detail - a line at a time kind of detail. Last night we were looking at the line, "Give us this day our daily bread", which I thought was a useful and very helpful topic for me, given that I'm currently in the process of preparing the church budget for next year.

A lot of interesting things came out of our discussions, thinking about our needs as opposed to our wants, about provision for the "day" ahead,  thinking about trusting in our God who provides, not worrying overly about the future. But one thing, one detail stood out for me, more than any other, and that was just one word, the shortest word on the line, which is "us".

Because, even though we are told to pray this prayer in secret, behind closed doors this is a prayer about community. Whether the line "Give us this day our daily bread" is a request, or a confident statement of truth about our provider God, it is a communal statement. God's provision, as with all his promises, is worked out in our lives, as we live them as worshipping, praying communities, not as we act as disconnected, self-reliant individuals.

Will God provide all my needs - yes, I believe he will. Will he provide for everything directly, supernaturally to me? No, not necessarily - he may provide through someone else, in my church, in my family, amongst my friends. 

And when he does provide something directly to me, then what does that mean? Surely it means I have an obligation to share it - whether it is money, time, a gift or a talent, or anything else that the Almighty, awesome God choses to give to me, because he doesn't give it for my glory, but so that, through me, acting, living, working in my communities, he will be glorified.

What does this mean for me, as I work on and discuss the church budget with the Finance Team tonight.... I'm not 100% sure, yet, but I'm convinced its relevant. And as I work out my everyday life, well then it could just be life-changing...

Here's Where We Gotta Be, Love and Community

Recently I had the great privilege of leading a time of devotions for the deacons at our church... and the subject I chose, or rather the subject I felt led to was unity. I was led to a passage in 1 Corinthians 3, where Paul talks about the importance of unity amongst believers, the importance of being a community of believers together, not a bunch of scattered individuals living individual lives.

Sometimes I think that the evangelical church as a whole has lost the importance of community. For as long as I can remember, the evengelical churches I have been involved in have stressed the importance of our "individual, personal relationships with the Living God" - and don't get me wrong, having that personal relationship is important, vital even, in our faith. But, as we recognise that our faith, our salvation, is not something we achieve through adherence to rules and regulations, we reject any rules and regulations as legalism, declare them irrelevant because we are saved by our faith, not be our works, and give ourselves licence to decide for ourselves how to interpret God's rules and regulations in our own lives. And that means a bunch of Christians, believers all, but all living by different rules, different regulations, different guidelines, if any at all. 

The problem with that is, we are clearly called to be a community together, a people, God's people - not just a bunch of loosely connected individuals. And for community to work, people need to be able to live and work in harmony - and that means a shared understanding of the "rules" - a clear acceptance of authority from those called to lead, and a desire to to the right thing by the community - not because our salvation depends on it, but because it is the right way to live. 

More than that, we are called to be a community which includes God - we are called to have a relationship with Him, not just as individuals, but as a gathered people. And that means we have to live, not just by rules accepted collectively, but by His rules, His ways, His laws.

Of course there will sometimes be tensions - there always are in any community. And sometimes there will be hurt and pain because of that - but if we were all to stop trying to have our way, trying to understand our Christianity in light of ourselves, and instead focus on being God's gathered community, then wouldn't those tensions be less, those pains easier to bear?

 

Sometimes I Feel Like I Don't Know

"Sometimes I feel like I don't know,
Sometimes I feel like checking out,
I want to get it wrong,
Can't always be strong,
But love, it won't be long...."

Ultraviolet, from the album Achtung Baby, by U2

Sometimes circumstances, situations and actions (my own and others) combine and great a situation which can only really be described as a dead-end. Situations where, whatever you do, you know that the only possible outcome, even if it is the right and proper outcome, is going to cause pain, hurt and difficulty. And you know that rightly or wrongly, some of that pain and hurt is going to land on your door.

Sometimes you work yourself to the bone, you pour blood, sweat and tears into resolving a situation, you work through the process, you bring others with you, but deep down you know that all you are doing, all you are achieving, is to minimise the pain and hurt that are going to come out of, that nothing you do is going to take that away.

"When you can't see the way out, try looking up!" goes the old saying - but you have. You've prayed, you've sought God's will, you've listened, you've handed things over to him, you're sure you are handling things the way he wants, but at the end of the day, you know that, for someone, somewhere, this is going to hurt.

Maybe this isn't an experience you share, maybe its just me. Maybe its a weakness in my faith, or just something I don't fully understand yet (after all, one of the reasons I write this blog is as a recognition that there are things that are beyond our easy comprehension, that somethings are a mystery we don't and never will fully comprehend, even as we wrestle and struggle with them).

Then again, although it may be presumptuous of me, perhaps in those moments and at those times, perhaps it is through these kind of "no win" scenarios that I can catch a glimpse, just a tiny, insignificant glimpse of how it is for a loving Father to send his only Son to the cross. My hope, my prayer is that I too can pray the prayer "Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done" - and that while I do so I will join with the cry of the church over the ages "Come, Lord Jesus!"

I Can't Live With or Without You

Its been a while since I wrote a blog. Amongst many other reasons, one of things that stopped me was a holiday. A week spent in a charming part of Wales with my family, accompanied by sheep (lots of them), by falling water (falling from the sky and in some of the most spectacular waterfalls around), and of course, by steam trains. 

Rather a lot of our holiday was spent riding on, looking at, waving to steam trains. Well, I do have two train mad sons, and I can admit to being something of a steam-railway geek myself. And in fact, my wife isn't far behind in the steam-train geek stakes either.... and we were staying in a cottage just 2 mins walk from one of the Stations on the Talyllyn Railway - so not surprisingly we spent a lot of time there... 

The railway itself is delightful - it travels from the coast up into the mountains, and in the process crosses some fantastic countryside and scenary. But most interesting for me is that the railway is run almost entirely by volunteer members - all the drivers, firemen guards, station-masters, blockmen (that's "signalmen" on most railways) and even their very own Thin Controller are volunteers, giving incredibly generously of their time, effort, and money to keep the railway operating in a manner as close to its original Victorian conditions as possible. And as whole, these volunteers are fantastic. They are doing what they love, yes, but doing it in such a way as to be inclusive, welcoming, helpful and friendly to the visitors - doing it in such a way as to share their love of the railway, of the locomotives and the rolling stock, of the stations and the route, with those who come to share. Watching these disparate individuals, from all walks of life, coming together, working together, sharing and having fun with each other and with the paying visitors, you could see a real sense of community - and that, more than anything else, is what is slowly but surely converting my wife and I into real steam-railway geeks!

And as I watched, I couldn't help compare the volunteers I saw with the many fantastic volunteers who give so selflessley to the church I'm part of, who work together, in community, to spead the good news they have found, to welcome, to help, to include those currently outside the community of the church - those who see the church first and foremost as their family, the place they are called to be. And I am proud to be one of them - to be in the place, in the community that God wants me to be in, even when its difficult. 

Because being a community is difficult. Whether its a community of railway volunteers, or a community of believers, living and working closely together is a challenge. Whilst we were in Wales, I overheard conversations between volunteers - conversations about budget and finances, conversations about "leadership issues", conversations about "the way things used to be" - conversations which I hear, day in, day out, as I go about the business of being part of a church. The kind of conversations which exasperate, which frustrate, which make me want to stamp my feet, throw my toys out of the pram, and disappear into the sunset, never more to have anything to do with those people. 

But I can't, because this is where God has placed me, and this is where he has placed all those other wonderful, frustrating, confusing, helpful, painful, beautiful, lovely people. People who he loves, just as they are. Maybe there are times when I feel I can't live with them, but if He, the One who knows them better than they knows themselves can not just live with them, he can love them enough to die for them, who am I to question his choice?       

Stand Up For....

"Stand up for your rights!" - you hear it a lot these days. We seem to be obsessed by our "rights" - and what we consider to be our basic rights seem to be getting more and complicated as we go forward. And I'm a believer in a lot of the basic things that are defined as human rights - equality, freedom of speech, freedom of religion and conscience are all things that are very important to me, even if my reason for believing in these things is perhaps different from the secular view.

But, the thing I struggle with is that, almost inevitably it seems, when we stand up for our own rights, we are trampling over the rights of others - so often, as we assert our right, it is at the expense of someone else's. But because we are individuals, living in an individualistic world, then we seem to think its okay to do that - we stand up for our rights, they stand up for theirs, and somewhere, where they clash, we try and hammer out (often through the courts) some understanding of which rights are more important, and therefore who gets their own way this time. 

Wouldn't life be different, if, instead of spending our time trying to assert our own rights, trying to stamp our feet and make sure we don't miss out on our dues, we put the same amount of time, energy and effort, into making sure that the things we do, the choices we make, don't impinge on the rights of other people. A world where people looked out for others first, and ourselves a distant second, a world where instead of looking for fault in other people we took a long hard look at ourselves first. Perhaps someone should suggest.... or indeed, perhaps they already have...

You never know, it might take off - perhaps we could call it "community"!

 

Out of Control!

I don't usually think of myself as a control freak. To be honest, I'm not really organised enough to be a control freak - usually I manage to get myself to the right place at the right time with the right things I need, and if I've managed that, then I've done alright - for anything more complicated I rely on the wonders of an electronic diary and of my fabulously organised wife!

So, being completely in control isn't usually something that worries me. But this week, I've felt completely and totally out of control, and I haven't liked that feeling much. Most people reading this will probably know that we're in the middle of some pretty major building work at home at the moment, and the challenge of juggling the main contractor and the things we need to do for him, along with the plasterer, plumber, electrician, carpet fitters and decorators - alongside the fun of annual insurance renewals, MOTs, Car Tax its just getting too much - and thats without considering my paid job or my voluntary role as Church Treasurer! At the moment I feel very much like a juggler who has just dropped most of his balls and doesn't know how to pick the dropped ones up without also dropping the few that are still circling!

And yet, Psalm 46 tells me:-

"He says, 'be still and know that I am God

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth'"

Where in my schedule do I have time to stop and be still - and yet, unless I do, the world is going to keep spinning around me, more and more balls tumbling to the ground... Perhaps its time to stop writing about this and start trusting in the God who manages and sustains an infinitely more complicated building project than our loft conversion - the entirety of history - and still has time to love and care about me... 

A City Should Be Shining On A Hill

Its my turn to lead devotions at our deacons' meeting tonight - which basically means I have to spend sometime thinking and praying about the meeting, and about where the church is at the moment, and above all listening to God, so that when it comes to setting the direction and tone of the time of prayer before the meeting starts, I should be leading us in the way that He wants - to make sure that, from the very outset of the meeting, its about God's business, not ours.

So in this process, I've been thinking about mission, about missional living, and about the church (globally and here in Coventy) and its place in mission. And in particular, I've been thinking about this passage from Matthew 5:-

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Reading this got me thinking, about the different ways we as individuals and churches think about mission. And in that thinking I identified at least three different things we do, all of them not exactly ideal...

Commonly, we find churches who turn "mission" into "social action" - dealing with poverty issues, with equality issues, with health and social care issues, with any number of issues... any issues except for the lack of God in the lives of the people they are dealing with. Churches doing good deeds certainly, but how does this glorify the Heavenly Father if the "clients" never hear or see anything to do with Him, if their actions are no different from those of any secular (or other religious) aid agency?

Then you get the churches who believe that mission is about proclaiming the word, (usually in a loud confrontational manner, most often quoted from a old-fashioned translation, and very often using words like sin, hell, death, damnation, fire) - don't get me wrong, usually every word they yell is true, and it certainly attempts to address the spiritual needs of the listener (if anyone sticks around long enough to hear it) - but considering most of the people who hear probably think that "God" is just another swear word, how is this style of preaching going to connect with them, why should they even realise they need to engage with their Heavenly Father, let alone worship and adore him?

And of course, you get churches, and individuals, for whom mission is something of a dirty word - a messy, difficult job that someone's got to do, but its not going to be us. And to make sure we don't actually have to do it, we'll enable someone else - with prayer, with money, with resources -- but anything to avoid actually getting our own hands dirty in mission.

At our church over its life we've no doubt tried all of these (lets face it, when the church has been going for something close to 400 years then there's plenty of time for us to have got most things wrong at some point). But equally there have been times when we've got it right - when we've rolled up our sleeves, and got out there to deal with people where they are, and deal with the whole person, their spiritual, physical and emotional needs. Thats the model of mission that our Lord and Saviour used, the pattern we have to follow, the way to shine as a City on Hill, giving glory to our Heavenly Father.

So at our deacons meeting tonight, I'll be leading devotions in which we give thanks for our faithful witness and mission in the past, in which we confess the times we haven't got it right, and in which we look forward, with excitement, anticipation and longing, for the opportunities ahead to go about our Father's business.

Unless of course, I've got things wrong, and He leads me a different way by then.... !

I was born a child of Grace

“Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it” - Mark 10:15

I've been thinking a little bit about this verse recently, and what it really means to have a "childlike" faith. The problem is, the adjective "childlike" isn't often something we aspire to be -- it implies immaturity, naiviety, perhaps even inappropriateness. I don't know if its just me, but I've often struggled with the idea of a childlike faith when that appears to demand an unquestionning acceptance, perhaps even a need to "leave my brain at the door" when considering issues of faith and Christianity.

And then I look at my own children, who certainly don't accept anything unquestionningly! "Why, Daddy?", "Daddy, how does this work?", "What's this for Daddy?" are just three of the many questions that I hear, almost constantly, when I'm with my children. In their childlike ways they are looking at things they don't understand, trying to make sense of them, trying to understand based on what they already know, and when that proves inadequate, they go looking for someone who can answer their question - usually Mummy or Daddy, but when we let them down, they turn to the one who can always answer any question - Granny - but there's probably a whole other blog there!

Looking at things through their eyes, I can see a model of child like faith I can get to grips with, a way of looking at things with wonder, enthusiasm and excitement. Yes they have questions, but those questions are driven from a genuine desire to know more, to learn, to grow and understand, not from the all too common, cynical desire of adults to poke and prod and question until something falls apart.

They trust the answer they are given as well - when an "authority" does answer their questions, that answer is filed away and is believed - whereas we as adults struggle to accept anything we are told, preferring to believe our own intellect and our own "gut feeling" rather than taking what we are told and trusting.

But of course, there are times when the boys ask questions that cannot be answered, not in a way which is understandable and helpful to a seven year old and a three year old, and the answer has to be "thats not something you need to know at the moment". Do they accept that and move on - well, to be honest, not that well, but they accept it a lot better than we do when presented with a situation we don't understand, a time when our heavenly Father says to us "You don't need to understand that at the moment, just trust me to sort it out".

Thats the kind of childlike faith I want to have... I want to be a child of grace, who revels in my Father's wonderful ways, who approaches each new thing with excitement and anticipation, who tries, tries as hard as I can to really understand, but who accepts when he says, "Not now, Jon, leave that one to me!" Somehow I don't think being childlike is going to be that easy....

Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth...

Its election day here -- local elections that is -- and once again I'm left in a bit of a quandrary. To be blunt, I'm not really sure I have any respect at all for our national political leaders of any colour, and not a great deal for our local politicians, none of whom seem to be particularly focussed on genuine local issues, and who would rather use the opportunity to further push the noisy national agenda of their parent parties. Part of me just can't be bothered to vote. But then, if I don't bother to vote at all, if I disconnect entirely with the political process, then I might as well accept that I have no voice at all.

My favourite piece of political commentary comes from Douglas Adams, who wrote....

[An extraterrestrial robot and spaceship has just landed on earth. The robot steps out of the spaceship...]

"I come in peace," it said, adding after a long moment of further grinding, "take me to your Lizard."

Ford Prefect, of course, had an explanation for this, as he sat with Arthur and watched the nonstop frenetic news reports on television, none of which had anything to say other than to record that the thing had done this amount of damage which was valued at that amount of billions of pounds and had killed this totally other number of people, and then say it again, because the robot was doing nothing more than standing there, swaying very slightly, and emitting short incomprehensible error messages.

"It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."

"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"

"No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like to straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did," said ford. "It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in...."

I guess it often feels like I'm voting to make sure the wrong lizard doesn't get in, all the while not quite being sure who the right and wrong lizard actually is.... and I guess I will continue to struggle with that unless and until a candidate comes along who I can really truly believe in.

The problem is, of course, because those candidates are all human, all flawed, then none of them are ever going to live up to what I really want from a leader. Which is why my true hope is not in our nation or our government, not in any political leader of any persuasion, but in my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, the perfect, sinless Son of God, who, one day, is coming back to rule and will do so in perfect fairness, perfect justice and also in perfect love...

But until that day, I have a responsibility, as a Christian, to respect the authority that has been given to our elected officials, even when I disagree with them. To accept that, with all their flaws, their failings, their foibles and issues, its not my place to judge them. I have a responsibility to take part, prayerfully and gratefully in the political process, and above all, to pray for those elected, that they will make decisions which are just, and merciful and good, and which put the needs of the people above their own.

So, I will be voting today, even though to do so I'll be ignoring the slightly bitter taste in my mouth as I pick a lizard for the next few years...

All This You Can Leave Behind...

Thirty years ago today, something happened which changed my life. Thirty years ago today, the ZX Spectrum was launched. This was a revolution in computing, and one which very much shaped my life, as it was pretty much entirely this machine that kick started my love of computers, gadgets and all things geeky! Or, to put it another way, it is this machine that my wife has to blame for the proliferation of wires, connectors, discs and other computer and gadget related paraphernalia which clutters up our house today.

The ZX Spectrum, as all true Sinclair lovers will tell you, was a million times better than anything else available at the time, much better than the Commodore 64, or the Acorn Electron, and particularly the BBC.... Sure, in technical terms these other upstart machines had the edge on the good old Speccy, but in terms of usability, availability of games, playability of games and general all round everyday use, the Spectrum was the best....

But this isn't the place to repeat the old arguments of my childhood... the point here is that, although this machine is something I cherished in my early years, and although it taught me a lot about computing, and about programming (and about how annoying computers could be when they didn't do what was expected...), I'm not wedded to the ZX Spectrum now. There are somethings that I look back about the Spectrum and would like to have back in a modern computer, but there is so much about modern computers and gadgets which are better than the old Spectrum that most of the time, I'm much happier with my toys of today than I was with my toy of yesterday!

But is that always the case. God wants us to move on with him, to journey and continue to experience the new things that he is doing, and although he is the unchanging God, he is continually doing new things in our lives and in our world. But we often hold ourselves back, clinging nostalgically to the old things, the things that have passed... Yes, we should learn the fundamental truths from the those things - we should remember the things that God has used to shape us and mold us and move us onward, but we should never allow looking back to be something which holds us back.

Now, I wonder what happened to that old Spectrum..... perhaps I can find an emulator out there for a birthday celebration ;-)

in Mysterious Ways...

When we decided on a trip to the aquarium today, I wasn’t really expecting to be inspired to write a blog by it. To be honest, the decision was mainly made as something which would allow us to avoid the rain, and something that wouldn’t be accompanied by a rather annoying theme tune….

But, as we wandered around, and as the boys, and Benjamin (at age 3) in particular became more and more excited by what they were looking at, it started me thinking a bit about the magnificence of creation, and about how we so often don’t see it because we’re so used to it, and how we should be more childlike in our view of the world, really looking at the beauty and intricacy of the natural world, marvelling at God’s handiwork, not just assuming we know what we’re looking at.

But even that wasn’t really enough to inspire me to write this entry. What got my writing tonight was not the amazing beauty of the clown fish and angel fish and their like. It wasn’t even the stately majesty of the sharks that has inspired me. What has got me writing was actually the oddity of the octopus, and the frankly alien jellyfish.

I was stunned, amazed and fascinated by both of these exhibits, and as I watched them, it got me wondering, “what on earth was God thinking when he made these?!” Looking at these two creatures, so completely and utterly different from anything we could even conceive, it just struck me how far we as humans are from truly understanding the mind of God.

We like to think that we are the pinnacle of creation, and in many ways we are - after all, we, uniquely, are made in the image of our creator, and that means a great deal. Yet we still fall far short of him in every way. In our pride we think we can understand God, and that we can expect him to act in the way we think he should, and yet how many of us would expect him to make something as weird as a jellyfish or an octopus.

And if we can’t fathom that, why do we think we can understand the way God choses to deal with us, his people. So often we try and put him in a box, limit what he can or should do based on our human comprehension… only to find him doing something different and unexpected, which tends to get us a little upset and worked up!

So yes, we should marvel at the work of our creator, we should appreciate the wonder and majesty of the world He created. But should we not also expect Him to continue to act in creative and unexpected ways, and above all do we not need to recognise that, however hard we try, however far we journey with him, at least in this world, there is always going to be some mystery about the ways of God… and we should recognise that as a good thing!

One Step Closer

I’m writing this from a darkened hotel room in Southampton, listening to the snoring of Benjamin (age 3), after two days of family holiday discovering the delights of Peppa Pig World and Paultons Park theme park… and actually, for a 3 year old who (as we have now discovered) loves roller coasters but is scared of ducks and a 6 year old who finds even the tamest of roller coasters too scary, but doesn’t have an issue with the ducks, jackdaws, crows and other assorted wildlife who assembled at various points to try and steal our picnic, it’s been a pretty good break, although if I hear the theme to Peppa Pig again soon I may go insane!

I’d love to have been inspired by Peppa Pig for the subject for a blog entry, but I’ve failed with that. However, I have been thinking again, which is always a little scary! What’s got me thinking is the need to change things, and the speed things need to change.

Whilst there are many things I could be talking about, in this case I’m talking about me. Because (as you will no doubt agree) there are many things in my life which I could really do with changing. I should be reading my Bible more, praying more, sharing the gospel more. I could be getting cross and angry less, moaning less, judging people less. I could do more to look after the environment, to care for the needy and disadvantaged, to deal with the big issues of the world…

The list is endless, and I’m pretty certain that, ideally, God would have me change all these things, and more. But I’m human (honestly!) and that means I don’t like the idea of change.

Occasionally, just occasionally, something big comes along and God makes it clear that I have to change, and have to do so completely, pretty much there and then. And if I chose to do so (because there’s always a choice with God), he helps me with that – deciding I needed to get baptised was one of those changes.

But generally, change is a gradual thing. Most of the time, change in me is one small step at a time, one little thing which I need to do better, one thing to stop, or start, or increase, or decrease. And that way, it’s manageable. It’s not easy, but I can cope with a series of small changes, usually 2 steps forward and 1 back – making me ever more like Him. It’s a long journey, and one I won’t complete this side of eternity, but it’s a journey I’m trying to travel with him.

But then, I get surprised when other people are on the same journey. I expect other people to change much quicker than I’m willing to change myself. I mean, sometimes, things are so obvious that surely everyone, even that person, can see why they need to change, what they need to be doing now, and how to get there, all in one step, just the same as me, can’t they?

Maybe that’s one small step I can take right now – to recognise that everyone else is on a journey too, and that God is prompting them to change things in their lives, one step at a time. And maybe they’re not the steps I think they should be….

I Was There When They Crucified My Lord...



The Easter Story by Joseph, aged 6... Click to enlarge



"I was there when they

crucified my Lord

I held the scabbard when the

soldier drew his sword

I threw the dice when they

pierced his side

But I've seen love conquer

the great divide"

-- When Love Comes to Town

             By U2 and BB King

I was there at Jesus' trial, with the false witnesses who came forward to make up lies and testify against him. I was there with Peter, and I too denied ever knowing Jesus. And I still am, every time I stay silent and do not speak out for my Lord when I know I should.

I was there with crowd, demanding the release of a terrorist, whilst the King of Glory stood there imprisoned. I was there, my voice shouting "Crucify him". And "Crucify him" I still cry out everytime I expect God to work on my terms, every time I decide what he should be doing and limit him to my understanding of the world.

I was there with Pilate, washing my hands and allowing the crowd to have their way... and still I refuse to accept responsibility for my own actions, seek to pass the blame to someone else, to anyone else, and, if no-one else can be blamed, I seek to blame God.

I was there with the soldiers as they mocked and beat Him, with the crowd who hurled insults, with the criminal crucified beside Him. And each and every time I fail to show love to those around me, everytime I fail to listen to God and don't what He wants, everytime I fall short of His perfect ways, I just throw more insults at Him, heap more pain and abuse on Him.

It was my actions, my rebellion, my sin which meant Jesus, the Son of God, the Lord of Everything, was nailed to a Cross and died there in agony. As much as I don't want to admit it, as much as it pains me and saddens me, the truth of the matter is that it was for me that He chose the agony and anguish of the cross. The truth that He chose that for each and every person doesn't lessen my guilt, because He would have made the same choice, even if I was the only person in the whole world.

I was there when he died, as the world was plunged into darkness. I was there when the curtain of the temple was torn from top to bottom, the divide between God and man conquered by His actions. I was there when He took all the things I have done, and all the things I will do, onto Himself, when His death satisfied the wrath of God and allowed His grace and mercy to flow freely to me, the worst of sinners.

  

Then too, I was there with His disciples, watching His death, not understanding, seeing His anguish, weeping and disparing, my hope gone. I was there in the darkness, in the time of doubt and uncertainty.

But I have a hope that they did not have. It doesn't all end here and now.

For although it is Friday and all seems dark, Sunday is coming...

You Were Talking About the End of the World...

Following the Palm Sunday story, the gospels, particularly Matthew, relate an extended amount of Jesus' teaching to his disciples. As I read through that teaching, I was struck by how much of that relates to the end of the world and the second coming...

Talk about the Second Coming, about the End Times and about life after death is bound to be somewhat controversial.... it certainly was in Jesus time, with at least one major Jewish faction (the Sadducees) adamant that there was no such thing as eternal life, and another (the Pharisees) convinced that there was... so Jesus' comments making it clear that he has come to offer Eternal Life were bound to stir things up somewhat with the religious authorities at the time. And yet, it feels like the Church these days seems to shy away from a discussion of the End of the World and what comes after.

Its probably not surprising. After all, those making predictions of the coming Rapture, of the imminent end of the everything have not exactly had a good track record... and even when Christians have refrained from trying to make an accurate prediction about the timing, then it has proved so difficult to come up with any account of the Second Coming which gets any kind of agreement that the whole area is one the is often avoided...



And yet, so often we get bogged down in debate about the when and how and what of the Second Coming. The concepts of pre-millenial, post-millenial, amillenial, tribulationism, rapture, are all attempts to define, perhaps even decode, the words of scripture relating to this event, to try and guess and second guess the plans of the Almighty... attempts which, to my mind derail us from the central and most important fact relating to the second coming - the fact that Jesus is coming again, coming to reign in glory, and in doing so he will put an end to the pain and suffering that is so abundant in this world today.

We should be excited by this. Really, really excited, because its such a big thing. And yet,
its not something that the rest of the world finds it easy to connect with. Somehow we need to get this across to people - but do so in a way which doesn't make Christianity out to be "Pie in the Sky When We Die" -- which seems to be the other common misconception of Christian thinking about the end of the world.

Its a tall order, and I don't have an easy answer. I believe that the death of Jesus is the solution for all eternity - a solution which starts here and now, today, as we live out our daily lives. I just wish I was better at getting that across to those I meet.  But this is one of (if not the central) claim of Christianity - that by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we, sinful, fallen humanity, can have a relationship with our creator God, a relationship which will go on past death into eternity. Shouldn't that be something we shout from the rooftops?

Blessings Not Just For the Ones Who Kneel....

Well once again I haven't been very good at writing this blog for the last few weeks.... which obviously means I haven't had much to think about! ;-)

Actually, its more likely related to the fact that we've been busy with a 3rd Birthday party, plans for a loft conversion, finishing off next year's budget at work and generally just doing a lot of different things. Oh, and being ill, which hasn't helped!

And then all of a sudden its Holy Week, the lead up to Easter, and I find myself not really in an "Easter" kind of a place yet - which isn't necessarily a good thing. So, in an effort to change that, I'm going to try and write some blog entries this week to help me focus on Easter, which is, after all, probably the single most life-changing event in the history of the world... but more about that later in the week.

Holy week of course starts with Palm Sunday, a day of joy, of donkeys and palm branches, of triumphant processions and of the fulfillment of hundreds of years of prophecy. And then, just as things are starting to look up, it suddenly becomes a day where the status quo is challenged, where long held views and traditions are up-ended, a day where the guardians of those traditions, of that status quo, of all that is important in first century Jewish life are made to look decidedly foolish...

Because, having arrived in Jerusalem, having been hailed as the Messiah, the one who has come to free Israel from oppression, Jesus choses not to go and confront the Roman Authorities, but instead to head to the temple itself, and challenge the authority of the High Priests and Teachers of the Law, the religious leaders of the time...

The challenge is the cleansing of the temple, turning out the money changers, the sellers of sacrifices, those who have made the house of prayer into "a den of thieves". This part of the story is reasonably well known, and its not surprising that the temple authorities didn't like this much, especially as they probably took a cut of the profits from the tradesmen. But the bit I didn't realise until recently, the thing which makes this a really big challenge to the authorities is the location within the temple of the money changers - the Court of the Gentiles -  the only part of the temple open to those who were not Jews. 

The challenge to the authorities, and indeed to all Judaism becomes that much more severe when this is taken into account, because this action says that Jesus, who has just been declared as the Messiah, the saviour of the Jewish people, is not just interested in the Jews. This is a statement that he comes to bring life and hope and freedom to all - Jew or Gentile. This is a statement that the Jewish people, despite (or perhaps because of) all their laws about holiness, about remaining God's special, chosen people have failed in their calling - the calling to be a people who bless through whom all the peoples of the world are blessed. The Jews have remained "holy" (which basically means "seperate" or "different") by seperating themselves from the world, but in doing so, they have missed the very purpose for remaining holy - that is to point the rest of the world back to the One who made it... and Jesus, in his coming on Palm Sunday and his cleansing of the Temple points that out in a graphic and obvious manner....

That much is history... but what does it mean for me today....? I can't help but wonder, if Jesus made a triumphal entry today, where would he go first? Would it be to the Houses of Parliament, to Downing Street, to challenge the government on their political decisions, on their spending cuts, on their desire to bring in gay marriage, on their "cash for access" and expenses claims?

Or would he come to visit us, Christians in their cozy comfortable churches, and ask whether we have seperated ourselves from the world, remaining "pure and holy" by refusing to deal with the nasty, messy issues that exist in the world. Would he ask if we are truly open, welcoming and inclusive, offering the grace that he freely gives us to those in the world, or whether we limit our welcome to those who conform to our view of the way things should be?

You Give It All But I Want More

Prayer has been a hot topic recently. Since the collapse of Fabrice Muamba in the midst of the Tottenham-Bolton FA Cup match last Saturday, the usually "earthly" world of football has been full of people declaring that they are praying for Muamba, and imploring the rest of us to do the same. Jermain Defoe, Stuart Holden, Kyle Walker and even Wayne Rooney have taken to twitter to announce that they are praying for him ... I wonder if the Almighty has a Twitter account?

Its got me thinking about prayer, and my prayer in particular. Praying for others, the sick, the poor, the oppressed is something we are all called to do, along with doing whatever we can to help them of course. But how often are our prayers little more than shopping lists of things that make our life easier - trivial things, like being able to find a parking space when we go shopping, or not getting held up in a traffic jam on my way home for work.... are these really the things that we should be praying about?

After all, this its the Almighty, All-powerful creator God we are talking to when pray. The God who, even in creating us, has given us more than we deserve. The God who, while we were sinners, sent his only son to die on a cross for us, the God who, in a very real way has given us everything we have, everything he has even.... and yet we still want more from him. We still bother him with our trivial requests, we still bombard him with our shopping lists, we still talk at him, and often don't give time for him to speak back... is this really what God wants from our prayers?

And yet, perhaps he does. After all, at least in these prayers we are acknowledging him, we are recognising that he is the one that does provide all good things for us, his children. If its a choice between listening to our requests and demands for more, more, more, and silence on our part, I wonder if he'd prefer to hear those demands, particularly if we are open to hearing him reply, to acknowledging him when he does respond, even if that response isn't necessarily the one we want.

I will watch the outcome of the Muamba situation with interest. Obviously it is my hope and prayer that he will recover. But equally, if he does, I'll be interested to see who gets the credit. Along with the inevitable, and no doubt well deserved plaudits for doctors, paramedics and medical staff, will we see Defoe, Holden, Rooney et al. give the glory to Almighty God for answering their prayers? 

We Get to Carry Each Other...

NOTE: THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE NEWS OF HIS RETIREMENT WAS PUBLISHED - IN FACT, IT WAS AS I WENT TO LOOK FOR A PICTURE TO ILLUSTRATE IT THAT I SPOTTED THE NEWS... I HAVE LEFT WHAT WAS WRITTEN UNCHANGED.   

I have to admit, I haven't always been the biggest fan of Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams. I don't agree with some of the things he says, and I have a number of issues with various parts of the church of which he is the head. I'm sure that doesn't bother him greatly... and I'm sure if I ever got the chance he'd happily debate those issues with me and explain why he thinks I'm wrong, probably with a lot more grace and humility than I would manage in explaining my position to him.

The thing is, even though I do disagree with him on some issues, there is one thing at least in which I agree wholeheartedly with him, which is the need for the church, and for individuals within the church to recognise their many faults and failings, to recognise that, as they get things wrong, it is God who puts things right again, and above all to work together for His greater purposes. I came across this quote which says it much better than I can:-

"The church is holy not because it is a gathering of the good and the well-behaved, but because it speaks of the triumph of grace in the coming together of strangers and sinners who, miraculously, trust one another enough to join in common repentance and common praise—to express a deep and elusive unity in Jesus Christ, who is our righteousness and sanctification. Humanly speaking, holiness is always like this: God’s endurance in the middle of our refusal of him, his capacity to meet every refusal with the gift of himself."

Its not that I think differences in doctrine, in belief, in church practice don't matter - I think these things are very important. But in comparison to the truth the we are all sinners, who all need the redeeming power of God's love and grace, all the time, in everything we do, then these things pale into insignificance.

We have our differences, and will continue to do so. Those differences may be large scale differences between "denominations", or on a much smaller scale, differences of opinion within an individual congregation (no doubt many people have heard the "joke" that if you've got 3 Baptists in a room, you'll have at least 4 different opinions on any issue...) But thats OK - there's nothing wrong with differences of opinion, until those differences become divisions.

As long as we are able to put those things aside, to come together to worship and listen to the God who made each and everyone of us in his image, and to love, cherish and help each other in the difficult times, then those differences can actually make us stronger, as we grow and learn and change together.

I think Archbishop Williams would agree - and I respect him for that, even as I disagree on other issues.