Sleep, Sleep Tonight

I didn't sleep very well last night. Sleep has never been one of my strong points (ask my parents!), unlike my wife, who managed to sleep through the great Dudley Earthquake of 2002, despite her being less than 2 miles from the epicentre - an earthquake which woke me in Coventry, and even disturbed her mother all the way down in London... Sarah, is definately good at sleeping, in a way that I'm just not.

Last night however was particularly bad when it comes to sleeping. It wasn't helped by the fact that I am currently suffering from a bout of RSI (apparently its Tennis Elbow, which is interesting since I haven't picked up a tennis racket in the last 15 years!) which means I have a dull aching pain in my right arm, a nice tingling numbness in my right hand little finger, and occasionally an almost burning sensation in my right wrist. Annoying and uncomfortable, but not usually enough to hold me back.

But last night, along with the pain, my mind was working at 200 miles an hour, jumping around between things, making me ask questions. For some reason, last night my mind decided it was going to stay awake for hour after hour, reviewing and revisiting the conversations I'd had, the emails and the blog entry that I'd written... reviewing and revisiting, lookng for things I'd said that were wrong, things I should have said that I didn't, things I said at the wrong time and in the wrong way...

I wasn't something I was doing deliberately, I assure you. It wasn't a conscious choice. But once I started down that route, nothing was going to stop it... not for a good 3 hours, until eventually I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Now, if this sounds self-indulgent and whiny, I'm sorry. Its not intended that way, although maybe that is just an unintended consequence of too little sleep. But out of it all, after all the reflecting, revisiting, reviewing, I've been left with a thought, a half-forgetten memory that has surfaced as part of my thinking, a liturgical prayer from my Methodist past...


"Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
we have sinned against you and against our fellow men,
in thought and word and deed,
in the evil we have done
and in the good we have not done,
through ignorance, through weakness,
through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry, and repent of all our sins.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, who died for us,
forgive us all that is past;
and grant that we may serve you in newness of life
to the glory of your name. Amen."

Because it is right that I stop, look back, and review what I have done - it is right that I recognise that, on each and every day, I will have done something, probably many things which are wrong, which are hurtful, which leave others around me wounded and pained. Often, I won't even know I've done it. But through Jesus, the crucified, risen, and glorified Son of God I can be forgiven, and I don't need to wallow in my wretchedness - I can continue to live in that newness of life, serving him as best I can... and that's a thought that should energise and sustain me, even as I struggle from too little sleep!