One Life, With Each Other...

Tonight is Budget night - the night when I get to stand in front of the church meeting and present the financial plans for the next year, and ask for their support and agreement. And, although I regularly present financial information to directors and to senior management in my workplace, presenting to church meeting is probably the most difficult of all...

Its not made any easier by the fact that this is actually Budget night mk. 2 -- given a small mix up with dates for the November meeting and a church holiday, meaning there weren't enough members there in November to actually agree the budget. So, although I presented (I had to really, given that of those who were there, a good number had turned out specifically because they were interested in the finances), although we had a good discussion, we have to do it all over again tonight.

Preparing and presenting a church budget is a different sort of challenge to my day job. Yes, I have to use all my financial acumen, all my accountancy training and the best of my Excel spreadsheet-engineering skills in the process, but more than that, I have to approach these things from a different perspective - from a God perspective, and approach them in an attitude of faith, of trust and of believing in a God who provides abundantly and generously, but who also expects us, his servants, to be good stewards of that which he provides.

And so, along with the number crunching, a great deal of prayer and reflection goes into my budget preparations... a great deal of time spent asking Father God what he wants, and trying very hard to hear him above the thoughts of the finance professional that come from within me.

As I've thought and prayed through this budget, the one thing that has hit home to me has been how much this aspect, as with all aspects of our church life, rely on us being a community, a diverse gathering of people, with different skills, different experience, different interests and resources, but gathered by our shared desire to serve our Lord and Saviour. 

Everything that happens at Queens' Road, as with most churches happens because people give. They give of their money, yes, but even more so they give of their time, and they give themselves in prayer for the things we do.  Even putting on two services on a Sunday, which has a monetary cost in terms of heat, light and power, and in terms of time from our (under)paid ministry team, has an even greater cost in terms of volunteer time and effort - on a very quick estimate I worked out that well over 100 person hours are required each and every Sunday, "just" to run two Sunday services - and that doesn't include the amount of time people spend praying for the service. 

And the skill set involved is diverse as well -- we have skilled musicians to provide the music, skilled sound engineers and trained video desk operators to run the technology which adds so much when it works, and causes so many problems when it doesn't! We need welcomers and stewards, to make people feel at home and comfortable, we need people willing to serve tea and coffee, people to lead prayers, and a whole army of people to run the children's programme. And God provides those diverse people so that it all happens.

The same is true, I believe, for the budget. Even in these challenging economic times, I believe God will provide for his work here at Queens Road. One of the frustrations with preparing a church budget is that I can't tell how He will provide - He may do so miraculously, with money just appearing in envelopes or in the bank account... but somehow, though I believe He could do that, I don't think He will.

I actually believe He had already provided - that He has brought people into our community and He has given them the resources, financial and otherwise to provide all the things we need to do His work here... and if we, His gathered people, obediently and faithfully give of our money, of our skills and importantly, on our knees in prayer, then I believe we will have more than enough for our current plans - and the opportunity to do so much more for Him.

A Light-bulb Hanging Over My Head

I've always really liked the Advent Candles, and the liturgy that goes with them.... which is odd, because I'm not really one for liturgy. It does have its place, and there are times when liturgy helps me - but generally I prefer not to be reciting pre-written prayers, or responding in a pre-scripted manner to someone else's pre-scripted statements.

But for some reason, lighting candles at advent, complete with the recitation of liturgy, is something that speaks to me.

I was at the evening service last night, and for once, I was there with nothing to do - no rota'd task, no operation of the video desk, just me, part of the congregation, seeking to worship and to hear from the Almighty God.

And, although KP preached an engaging and different sermon, although the worship band led us in muscial worship with gusto and enthusiasm, the thing that God used most of all to touch me, to speak into my heart, was the burning advent candles.

As I watched the flame (whilst listening to Keith of course!) I was reminded of being at a Delirious? concert, several years ago (probably back in the late 1990's - wow, I really am getting old!) a concert which ended (as most Delirious? concerts back then did) with Martin Smith, stood on a darkened stage, lighting a single candle, singing the words

"There is a light, which shines in the Darkness,

His Name is Jesus, the Light of the World"

The image of light in the darkness persisted all evening, through KPs sermon (I was listening, honest) and the discussion that followed, and even into the car on the way home, when U2's Ultraviolet came on, with the lines

"Your love was a lightbulb

Hanging over my head"

 

The image, of a single light, shining in the darkness seems very powerful to me today - in a world where things are hard, where there is much that is dark and many who are struggling, the message this Christmas, just as it was at that first Christmas 2,000 years ago is one of Hope - a light shining in the darkness (whether a candle, a lightbulb or any other source of light), which can never be extinguished, no matter how dark it actually gets - in fact, the darker things are, the brighter the light appears.

So, as I get ready for Christmas this year my prayer is not just that I can remember that message of hope in the darkness, but that my life will be an example which reflects that light to others -- that in me, the hope and glory of my saviour will be seen by others...

Running To Stand Still

Wow... Its nearly December. Which means I've been writing this blog, on and off, for almost a year now. It doesn't seem like that long... but then again, it seems like an eternity, because my feet haven't really touched the ground in that time.  If I had to come up with a picture of this year, I think it would be of me on one of those horizontal escalators, trying to go against the tide, running as hard as I can, just to stand still!

If that sounds like I'm complaining, then I'm sorry. Most of the chaos and hard work has been completely worthwhile - caused by building work, by trips away and time with family, by challenging new jobs and by exciting changes at church. Other stuff has been for a worthwhile result, particularly around Sarah's operation - not exactly run, definately chaotic, but definately worth while so she can avoid recurring pain and discomfort. I'm certainly not complaining about the outcomes, even at the time it was somewhat painful to get there.

But what I am going to complain about is the headlong rush we now seem to be in towards Christmas. Yes, the year has gone by quickly, but at the moment, its not even December (not for another 14 hours anyway). Advent doesn't start until Sunday (or is that Saturday night - no doubt Keith Neville will have the answer), and yet, we've been inundated with Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, since about the end of September, and its driving me slightly mad...

Do we really need Christmas decorations already? Christmas songs on the radio? Christmas meals in the canteen? Christmas is, of course, important - its important to spend time with those we love, to enjoy the giving and receiving of gifts, to have fun with all the trappings of Christmas that make it so exciting... but isn't it even more important to remember what this is really all about - about the coming of a child, a poor, helpless child, who will go on to change the world.  

The challenge for me, at the end of a year of Running To Stand Still, and at the start of a season of manic activity is to stop and take the time out to prepare - for that is surely the purpose of Advent - to prepare for the coming of the King, both his coming as a child, born in a cave two thousand (and something) years ago, and his future coming in glory, when all the running will cease as we stop and worship the King of Kings... The question is how do I stop now and give him what he so richly deserves?

The More I See, The Less I Know...

Its been a while since I've had time to write a blog.... A church budget, and a new job have somewhat occupied me for the last for weeks, and blogging has dropped down the priority list a little...

The new job is interesting - very different to what I was doing before, even though I'm still working for Jaguar Land Rover, in Finance, I might as well be working for a different company. The people are different (in this new job I've had meetings with the UK, Russia, Australia, the Gulf, the US and Canada, Spain, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands, Brazil and Mexico and China, all in the last two weeks, all without leaving Coventry!) The language is different, with a new set of terminology and acronyms to learn (and re-learn -- some of the TLA's I've been using for the last 3 years now have a completely different meaning!). And, for an accountant who has spent the last 10 years looking at costs (and therefore looking at numbers in brackets all the time), to now be looking at revenue and pricing, and therefore not using brackets for everything is extremely odd!

The problem is, I'm still only scraping the surface of the job - having been here for a month of so now, I was starting to think I was getting to grips with it, and then I looked back at one of the emails I'd received a couple of weeks ago and "parked" to deal with after my virtual globetrotting finished.

When I'd first looked at it, I thought I knew what I had to do with it. But now, with two weeks more knowledge and experience, suddenly I can see so many more questions. Things that I thought were clear are now clouded, as I start to glimpse more of the inter-connectedness of the issues... what happens if I change this - how does it effect that? What about this - does it make a mess of that? If this goes here, where does this other go? Its enough to make me pull my hair out (at least I still have some at the moment, despite the prominence of the receding hairline gene in my family...)

And in the midst of it all, we had a homegroup. Ostensibly focussed on the last line of the Lord's prayer, we actually ended up talking widely around the issue of God's Kingdom, Power and Glory... and it reminded me, once more, that actually, issues of God, issues of faith are something that I'm never really going to fully get my mind around, however logically and rationally I try to approach it...

Just like with my new job experience, where gaining a bit more knowledge showed me just how much more there is to understand, so it is, in an even larger and even more inexplicable way with God!

After all, we're talking about a God who can make, from nothing, an entire universe. I can't even get my head around how big the universe is, yet alone think about what it means to actually create it! And not only create, but populate with life in all its complexity, from single cell micro-organisms, through to something as large as an elephant, as odd as an octopus, and as complex as a human being... and thats just for starters!

It takes me back to why I started this blog, almost a year ago - and why its called "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" - because actually, although I'm never going to be able to fully understand it, I'm also never planning on stopping trying... but also I hope and pray I never lose the sense of wonder, joy and mystery that comes from trying to consider the indescribable majesty of God.

We Get to Carry Each Other

Our homegroup series at the moment is studying the Lord's Prayer, and we're doing it in detail - a line at a time kind of detail. Last night we were looking at the line, "Give us this day our daily bread", which I thought was a useful and very helpful topic for me, given that I'm currently in the process of preparing the church budget for next year.

A lot of interesting things came out of our discussions, thinking about our needs as opposed to our wants, about provision for the "day" ahead,  thinking about trusting in our God who provides, not worrying overly about the future. But one thing, one detail stood out for me, more than any other, and that was just one word, the shortest word on the line, which is "us".

Because, even though we are told to pray this prayer in secret, behind closed doors this is a prayer about community. Whether the line "Give us this day our daily bread" is a request, or a confident statement of truth about our provider God, it is a communal statement. God's provision, as with all his promises, is worked out in our lives, as we live them as worshipping, praying communities, not as we act as disconnected, self-reliant individuals.

Will God provide all my needs - yes, I believe he will. Will he provide for everything directly, supernaturally to me? No, not necessarily - he may provide through someone else, in my church, in my family, amongst my friends. 

And when he does provide something directly to me, then what does that mean? Surely it means I have an obligation to share it - whether it is money, time, a gift or a talent, or anything else that the Almighty, awesome God choses to give to me, because he doesn't give it for my glory, but so that, through me, acting, living, working in my communities, he will be glorified.

What does this mean for me, as I work on and discuss the church budget with the Finance Team tonight.... I'm not 100% sure, yet, but I'm convinced its relevant. And as I work out my everyday life, well then it could just be life-changing...

Here's Where We Gotta Be, Love and Community

Recently I had the great privilege of leading a time of devotions for the deacons at our church... and the subject I chose, or rather the subject I felt led to was unity. I was led to a passage in 1 Corinthians 3, where Paul talks about the importance of unity amongst believers, the importance of being a community of believers together, not a bunch of scattered individuals living individual lives.

Sometimes I think that the evangelical church as a whole has lost the importance of community. For as long as I can remember, the evengelical churches I have been involved in have stressed the importance of our "individual, personal relationships with the Living God" - and don't get me wrong, having that personal relationship is important, vital even, in our faith. But, as we recognise that our faith, our salvation, is not something we achieve through adherence to rules and regulations, we reject any rules and regulations as legalism, declare them irrelevant because we are saved by our faith, not be our works, and give ourselves licence to decide for ourselves how to interpret God's rules and regulations in our own lives. And that means a bunch of Christians, believers all, but all living by different rules, different regulations, different guidelines, if any at all. 

The problem with that is, we are clearly called to be a community together, a people, God's people - not just a bunch of loosely connected individuals. And for community to work, people need to be able to live and work in harmony - and that means a shared understanding of the "rules" - a clear acceptance of authority from those called to lead, and a desire to to the right thing by the community - not because our salvation depends on it, but because it is the right way to live. 

More than that, we are called to be a community which includes God - we are called to have a relationship with Him, not just as individuals, but as a gathered people. And that means we have to live, not just by rules accepted collectively, but by His rules, His ways, His laws.

Of course there will sometimes be tensions - there always are in any community. And sometimes there will be hurt and pain because of that - but if we were all to stop trying to have our way, trying to understand our Christianity in light of ourselves, and instead focus on being God's gathered community, then wouldn't those tensions be less, those pains easier to bear?

 

Sometimes I Feel Like I Don't Know

"Sometimes I feel like I don't know,
Sometimes I feel like checking out,
I want to get it wrong,
Can't always be strong,
But love, it won't be long...."

Ultraviolet, from the album Achtung Baby, by U2

Sometimes circumstances, situations and actions (my own and others) combine and great a situation which can only really be described as a dead-end. Situations where, whatever you do, you know that the only possible outcome, even if it is the right and proper outcome, is going to cause pain, hurt and difficulty. And you know that rightly or wrongly, some of that pain and hurt is going to land on your door.

Sometimes you work yourself to the bone, you pour blood, sweat and tears into resolving a situation, you work through the process, you bring others with you, but deep down you know that all you are doing, all you are achieving, is to minimise the pain and hurt that are going to come out of, that nothing you do is going to take that away.

"When you can't see the way out, try looking up!" goes the old saying - but you have. You've prayed, you've sought God's will, you've listened, you've handed things over to him, you're sure you are handling things the way he wants, but at the end of the day, you know that, for someone, somewhere, this is going to hurt.

Maybe this isn't an experience you share, maybe its just me. Maybe its a weakness in my faith, or just something I don't fully understand yet (after all, one of the reasons I write this blog is as a recognition that there are things that are beyond our easy comprehension, that somethings are a mystery we don't and never will fully comprehend, even as we wrestle and struggle with them).

Then again, although it may be presumptuous of me, perhaps in those moments and at those times, perhaps it is through these kind of "no win" scenarios that I can catch a glimpse, just a tiny, insignificant glimpse of how it is for a loving Father to send his only Son to the cross. My hope, my prayer is that I too can pray the prayer "Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done" - and that while I do so I will join with the cry of the church over the ages "Come, Lord Jesus!"